Earlier this week, I brought you the alarming news that cows had armed themselves, to fight for bovine freedom.
Today, from my home county of Somerset, comes the alarming news that cows are developing their own unique regional accents:
Farmer Lloyd Green of Glastonbury, one of the West Country Farmhouse Cheesemakers, said: “I spend a lot of time with my ones and they definitely moo with a Somerset drawl.
Clearly this demonstrates that cows are on the verge of developing identity politics. The outcome is now certain – the once unified cow camp will rapidly descend into inter-bovine conflict, the horrors of which we can scarcely imagine.
Maaaar!
Scaremongerer! What next? The sea cows of Penzance?
Oh my god – I never even considered the possibility that cows might become a naval power…!
Oh, sorry. Typo. I meant the sea scows of Penzance. Not quite so scary, eh?